So that happened. Like so many of you, I feel sick. I’m angry and disappointed in my fellow Americans. For the first time in my 47 years, I don’t like it here anymore. (Yes, I recognize my immense privilege when I write that; there are many, many people who have felt that way most of their lives.) Tuesday night confirmed a brutal truth about the United States: We’re a country of white supremacists. We’re a country that hates women. We’re a country that hates anybody that’s different. We’re a country filled with close-minded, ignorant people.
I only started acknowledging that truth a few years ago, so while the election results were upsetting, I wasn't confused about their origins. Maybe I believed common sense would prevail. Maybe I believed attitudes in the United States had changed. Unfortunately, I was wrong. At the same time, democracy did prevail. Well, you get what you vote for, America. You wanted to FAFO? Let's see how you like fascism. Ain't that America... We can be upset, and we have a right to be. But we also have to acknowledge our own privilege: More than half the country voted for Donald Trump to be president. Again. Despite his 34 felony convictions Despite his attempt to overthrow the 2020 election Despite his cognitive decline Despite his nonsensical ramblings Despite his racism and misogyny Despite his affinity for Adolf Hitler, Vladimir Putin, and Kim Jong-un Despite his disdain for reproductive rights, immigrants, and members of the LGBTQ+ community Despite his rejection of climate change Despite his complete and utter incompetence for the office of president I’m disappointed in a lot of people, especially white women and Hispanic/Latino men, who have clearly voted against their interests. Too many white women have been conditioned to accept male patriarchy (and white supremacy) as the norm, and too many Hispanic men have been conditioned to put machismo above all else. I've seen both examples firsthand: I'm married to a Puerto Rican man; the machismo problem is very, very real. As for the white women factor, I see it in my friends' parents' attitudes, some suspicious Instagram behavior among suburban moms, and in the vicious, Trump-supporting responses from females I text-banked with over the past month. But we also can't ignore the data: A lack of education among American voters -- primarily white men -- contributed to Donald Trump's second win. I think our collective fatal flaw here was Harris supporters like myself expected our fellow Americans to be as privileged and educated as we are. And they're not. We expected a level of common sense among people that just isn't there. At least, not yet. (Again, I know I sound elitist when I say things like this, but given what's happened, I don't know how else to put it. Also, I know I'm not alone in these thoughts. FYI, Randi Mayem Singer wrote the screenplay for Mrs. Doubtfire.)
This doesn't mean we give up the fight. But I also think it's time to sit back and watch what happens come January 2025. The people who voted for a criminal think he's going to solve their problems? Okay, let's give him that chance.
Let's see how they all feel when he ultimately fails them. Donald Trump is impulsive. He doesn't have plans (remember, he has concepts of plans). To quote my husband, "You break it, you bought it." Or, in the case of the Hispanic males who proudly voted for a man who unequivocally hates them, "Bless their hearts."
When you vote against your own interests, we all lose. I know a lot of you reading this email have friends and family who enthusiastically voted for Donald Trump. I don't have the answers for you, but I think the healing begins by not avoiding hard conversations with your loved ones. You want to know why they elected a bully to power? Ask them! Don't ask me -- I didn't vote for him. You need to tell these people that they hurt you with their votes. Or, you may need to go no contact with them. That's up to you.
It's hard for me to have faith in a large swath of humanity anymore. I believe in my family, I believe in my friends. But I can't believe in anyone who is so brainwashed that they voluntarily voted for such an odious human being. I also can't believe in anyone so racist and misogynistic that they voted against someone because she's a Black, South Asian woman. I think what happened in this election was a perfect storm of fails: 1. Unfortunately, voter turnout was down in 2024. (Even this unscientific poll conducted on Jimmy Kimmel Live suggests there are a LOT of people who just don't know/care about Election Day.) 2. We need to start saying the quiet part out loud: The American people still don't like the idea of a Black, South Asian woman as president -- so much so that they'd rather vote for a circus clown because, hey! He's white and he has a penis! 3. While I have no concrete evidence of this, I do also have to wonder if there was some possible election interference that resulted in low voter turnout. Regardless, I think the racist/misogynistic/uneducated argument is a much stronger one than pushing the idea of election fraud. I know it's easy to fantasize about moving to another country (NGL: I had dreams of returning to either England or Scotland this week), but that's not a feasible option for me or my family. We're fortunate enough to live in New York, where Proposition 1 passed (aka our version of the Equal Rights Amendment, which enshrined abortion rights into the state constitution), but will it be enough?
Sure, New York is "safe," but how safe is it in the long-term? Right now, my main concern is my daughter, who is neurodivergent, and I have to do whatever it takes to fight against whatever dumpster fire Donald Trump and his MAGA sycophants want to turn the United States into. Will Trump keep his Project 2025 promise to dismantle the Department of Education (which could have serious repercussions on my child's IEP)? Will I be forced to keep my daughter in New York for the rest of her life because I fear for her reproductive freedom anywhere else? Will she be denied life-saving vaccines thanks to Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. and his bizarre, anti-science plans?
Look, this is just my personal vent, but I have no doubt you have your own to share too. That's why I'm opening up my podcast, "Emotional Abuse Is Real," to anyone who is angry, upset, triggered, [insert emotion here] over the election. As I've said before, Donald Trump reminds me of my narcissistic abuser (because, guess what? He's a narcissist too!), so I think it's important we acknowledge these painful emotions.
I'm here to listen, and to built community with those who need it right now. If you're interested in coming on the podcast -- or just venting via email -- either write me back here or fill out my guest application form below!
We're all in this together, so let's stay connected.
Take care,
--Sarene
On this week's episode of "Emotional Abuse Is Real," I welcome Jennifer MD Cox (she/they). Jennifer is a fiction writer, a licensed mental health counselor, a parent, a spouse, and a member of the LGBTQ+ community who identifies as pansexual.
Jennifer and I covered a lot of topics throughout our conversation, but in particular, we focused on an emotionally abusive relationship she endured as a college student. What I learned from Jennifer is that members of the LGBTQ+ community are at an increased risk for emotional abuse because many are already cut off from their families due to homophobia. Since they are more vulnerable, we must keep telling these stories of abuse. Also, as the author of the novel Getting to Know You, Jennifer is working to change the narrative about LGBTQ+ relationships and emotional abuse.
If you haven’t checked out my podcast yet, I recommend starting with The “Emotional Abuse Is Real” Primer, a specially curated playlist featuring eight of my favorite episodes.
Most importantly, if you would like to be a guest on "Emotional Abuse Is Real," please reach out to me either via Instagram @sareneleedswrites, via email at hello@sareneleedswrites.com, or by filling out this Google Form:
